Letters to beyond

Tales and stories of little known happenings. (Please use the OOC sub-board called 'Roleplay Springboard' to discuss the stories posted here)

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Tanda Knighthawke
City Governor
Posts: 106
UO Shard: Great Lakes
Character Age: 153
Guild Affiliation: TGD/ The Grateful Dead
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Letters to beyond

Post by Tanda Knighthawke » Thu Apr 29, 2010 12:09 am

I walk quietly my barefeet striking the cool stone floors of my library, pull from its resting place my journal. Pulling the tome closer the smell of leather fills my nose, it is a wonderfully sensual smell, conjures memories of being in the arms of a warrior in his armor. It is one of many scents that almost instantly stir a passionate fire within, like the smell of a wood fire and pine straw bedding. Slowly wending my way back to my desk I set the tome down, crack open the binding to be assailed by the scent of dried roses and pressed herbs, I leaf through the pages to the next empty page. With a wave of my had the quill rises from the well and rests against the paper. Almost absent of body, the quill moves across the page recording my deepest thoughts, hopes and fears.

Dear Gran,
It must be restful on the other side of the veil. Then again with a needy wretch like me for a granddaughter maybe you don't get any peace. Trace has returned to Sosaria, came fairly directly back to find me upon arrival. Then you knew that, you mentioned it the last time we spoke. Why after nearly thirty years did he come back to find me? He tells me he still loves me, that I am his world. The sorrow and regret in his voice are sincere. I haven't even summoned the courage to ask him where he was, or who he was with. It really doesn't matter, I can not change what has been. So many years have passed, the Grotto is gone. Did he ever wonder what I was doing, if I'd found another lover? Maybe he didn't need to he knew the answer. I had given him my word that until he told me otherwise my hand and life were his.
We didn't get much time before he was gone. I feel like I am learning for the first time who it is I gave my hand to all those years ago. Those days had been full of wildness, I can't help but chuckle Gran, how does one go from Justicar and Chancellor to tavern wench? For the first time the Grotto had really allowed me to be myself. I still can step into that mask of respectable, political and less worldly person when I have need. Though its only a portion of who I am. I really have to admit Gran the Herbbinder lust for life and men runs deep. The Grotto was almost like dancing skyclad at the rituals of the holidays with the coven. Dancing in the pit at the Grotto, flirting with the milita and soldiers, drow, ninja whomever came in I was alive at the very basest of levels. How do I learn to live again? I feel empty and a shell of who I was. Write when you can Gran. Love, Tanda
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Tanda Knighthawke
City Governor
Posts: 106
UO Shard: Great Lakes
Character Age: 153
Guild Affiliation: TGD/ The Grateful Dead
x 1
Contact:

Re: Letters to beyond

Post by Tanda Knighthawke » Thu Jun 03, 2010 3:01 pm

Dear Gran,

Its been little over a month ago I set quill to tome to write to you. Much has happened here in the land of the living, babes continue to be born, corruption still runs rampant. I have spent many a night staring absently into my favorite scrying bowl, into the flames of the fire that warms my room and even watching the tea leaves in the bottom of my cup. There is much unrest here in the land of the living. On a happier note, Galen's wife sent over some of her special tea, and interesting blend indeed of herbs and tea. It was most satisfying.

There are shadow walkers back in the land, those who creep about and feed from the living to maintain their unnatural state. I can not see their faces but I can feel the icy cold flicker and smell the scent of death each time I happen across a vision. Once upon a long time ago Gran, I believed all who roamed in a state of life, be it animated death or natural life deserved a chance to prove themselves peaceful. In my youth, I stood and fought against laws banishing them from Britannia and damning them to a final rest. I am nae so certain this was wise any more Gran. Perhaps there was wisdom in the view that such an animated death is merely a perversion and curse one would wish to be freed from and allowed to sleep the peaceful slumber of the dead.

Words have not spoken it aloud Gran, but I learned a bit about myself this last month or so. What's that? *laughs softly* Aye, I know Gran it doesn't surprise you that I still have much to learn in this life. Since my husband's revelation I have spent an inordinate amount of time swilling down all manner of fermented beverages. Nearly losing my temper completely at the tavern. There was wisdom in my years of choosing not to allow such rubbish to enter my body. Though it does free the tongue to give voice to what one would never otherwise admit to. I have never been so angry, not even with Darian Flight for attacking me. It brought about a long discussion, and for a day or so I seriously thought of putting an end to this handfasting between Trace and I. After a night alone thinking about what was said and life without him at all, I realized despite all that has happened I cannot see my life in such a state.

There is a new Adkins in the realm now, have not been told such, but I have felt and seen her in glimpses for she is a part of my husband's flesh. I cannot bring myself to get involved with this child or her mother. I am uncertain why chaos seems to fill a portion of both Trace and Erollisi's paths. Seems to me in my observation it is destined to plague them for as long as their lives remain entwined. As the mother of his children, she will always be a part of his life. Despite his words telling me I am his world, he loves this woman at some level maybe not in the same way as me, but none the less its there. It was pretty clear in the expression on his face when we went to follow up with her after their child's disappearance that he was worried at her having left to search herself. I find myself thinking how cold and selfish it is of me not to have used any of my skills to aid him. I just cannot, nothing this child has done to deserve my distance. Tis not very loving and enlightened on my part to leave her to fate because of the choices of her parents. Yet, I will not draw myself into their chaos and pain.

I was surprised to find that even given all that is going on, when I finally did decide to share a night with my husband it was most comforting to rest in his arms. To shut it all out, and laugh with him, remembering the way things had been. For a few hours it was as if time had moved backward and we were the couple that had just pledge our lives to each other. None of this had happened, and I remembered many of the traits that drew me in to begin with. He has a passion for life that is hard to match, and his arogant attitude (though at times I find offensive) is a part of his charm. To look into his eyes, listen to his emotion and passion filled voice make him an intoxicating combination. Though there has always been something there that exists without ever having been spoken a knowledge.

If he could but muster a little portion of forgiveness, trust and tolerance life would be much easier. I must admit, my trust has taken a beating, yet I still do not seek to "protect" him in the manner he does me. I can not comprehend how attempting to have me followed, threatening other men to stay away from me is protecting me, and he does not understand why I find it such a violation of my life. I was not unfaithful, I have kept no secrets, managed quite well for many years without a guardian. Does it all get clearer on the other side Gran? Will death bring with it the answers life cannot? For now, I can only hope that continuing to share quiet stolen moments admidst the worldly demands will forge a relationship we can both live with.
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